Ancient words that are offensive and oppressive to modern ears. Clear and concise, but often confusing. And it is what Christ compels Christian wives to do:

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord” (Colossians 3:18, KJV).

The holy Scripture highlights here that a healthy and holy home requires a humble wife who honors her husband’s headship. Ladies of the Lord ought to lean into their husband’s leadership when he is lovingly leading. No family can fully follow Christ without the wife faithfully following her husband when he is following Christ. A husband can only steer the ship of the family with his wife by his side, holding up his arms when they are weary. A godly and submissive wife is the “we” in the “as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Josh. 24:15).

Who is Being Spoken To?

The ears that should hear these words and the hearts that should believe and obey them are those of a married woman. Not ladies who are single, dating, or engaged. You are free from compliance with command if you are unmarried, and bound to obey it if you are. Furthermore, God is not talking to husbands or almost-husbands either. Married men, you cannot enforce submission from your wife, and boyfriends and fiancés haven’t even earned it yet.

What is Being Spoken?

But what does this mean? It doesn’t mean doing everything your husband says. It doesn’t mean, “All women go to the left, because the man is always right.” It doesn’t mean you are less-than your husband or a woman forced to live in a man’s world.

Simply put, submitting to your husband means willingly and joyfully submitting to his leadership when he submits to the Lord—and you do it for the good of the family and the glory of God. And submission looks like this: supporting his decisions once they are made. Disagreeing with him without being disagreeable. Encouraging rather than undermining his leadership. Praying for him to be a godly husband and father than constantly criticizing him.

Submission says, “How can I help?” Resistance says, “Why should I?”

That said, the Lord does not expect you to submit to an absent, abusive, or adulterous husband. He does expect you to submit to a husband who adheres to the word of the Lord and the Lord of the word. It is for this reason that the apostle adds at the end, “as it is fit in the Lord.” Walk behind him when he follows the compass of God’s word, not when he is headed south. Follow your husband when he follows the Lord—follow the Lord when your husband doesn’t.

And when a husband loves the Lord and loves his wife—proving it in a sacrificial and selfless way as the greatest servant of the household—a wife will have no problem submitting to his lead (Col. 3:19; Eph. 5:25). This is why believers, the Bride of Christ, so voluntarily submit to Jesus, the Groom. He has proven His love for us. He became the greatest Servant of all by humbling Himself to the point of death for sinners. Christ is a Savior you want to follow. Likewise, a husband who models Christ in his words and actions is a man you will want to lead you. 

Now, what if your husband is an unbeliever? What should you do then? Thankfully, there is a wealth of wise counsel in the New Testament for this exact question. Paul in First Corinthians 7 teaches that divorce is never the solution, not even in a less-than-ideal marriage to an unbelieving spouse. Paul does say that if the unsaved husband demands a divorce, you are allowed to concede, but still, separation should always be a “no-go” and never the “go-to” (1 Cor. 7:10-11, 13, 15). And in 1 Peter 3, the apostle says that you should try your darndest to win them to Christ by your “conduct,” adorning yourself with internal qualities that point them to Jesus (1 Pet. 3:1-6).

Lastly, I wish to say again: submission does not mean inferiority. First of all, both the husband and wife have one Lord: Jesus Christ. Second, the Scripture’s metaphor of marriage conveys that the husband and wife are equal. The Bible describes the marriage of a godly man and woman as being “equally yoked” (2 Cor. 6:14). This portrays two cattle with their heads in a yoke together, both moving in the same direction, and both at the same level—ground level. And thirdly, consider this: was Christ Jesus less than God His Father because He submitted to Him? Of course not. The Son of God is one with the Father. He is equal to the Father because He is as much God as He is. Yet, He willingly and joyfully submitted to His good will because that was His role and responsibility as a Son. 

The role and responsibility of redeemed wives is submission to a saved and continually sanctified husband.

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